Too often, when it comes to choosing whether to be, stay, or break-up with someone, we let our hearts be our guides. But when it comes to a committed partnership, feelings are a false guide; there\u2019s no way to share a house, family, life, savings account, and\/or bathroom with someone for eternity and not feel some sort of bad a lot of the time. So, if like our reader from earlier, you can\u2019t decide whether you can put up with your partner anymore, here are five ways to tell whether a flawed relationship is worth keeping.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1)Ask Yourself If You Were Better Off Before<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Remember what your life was like back when you were single and how you hoped a relationship would make things better. Then assess whether this relationship does or doesn\u2019t fulfill those needs, consulting friends if necessary to recall how you were living then and what your goals were. Don\u2019t get distracted by how you wanted to feel, but on what you wanted to achieve<\/em>; ask if your relationship helped you meet major life goals, like starting a family, getting an education, taking a job or living somewhere you couldn\u2019t otherwise afford, etc.\u00a0 Make sure you include your need (if any) for a relationship that would offer you support and security in case of illness or possible unemployment. If your relationship hasn\u2019t helped you achieve any those things or has even made reaching those goals harder, that\u2019s important to know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 2) Ask If Acceptance Is Mutual<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Determine how well you can accept your partner as he is and how well he accepts you. If, in spite of your best efforts to take him as he is, you find yourself cringing and criticizing, you should move on before you both become mean and awful. And, likewise, if you feel he can never really let go of wanting you to change and you often feel like you have to defend or explain yourself, you\u2019re better off with your own company until you can find someone better. Remember, sometimes there are things about those close to us that make us nuts even if they don\u2019t bother others, but figuring out why they\u2019re annoying won\u2019t make them more bearable or easier for your partner to change. If, despite your best efforts, the acceptance can\u2019t come, then it\u2019s time for you to go.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n 3) Do a Budget For Being Alone<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Review your income, expenses, savings and debt and ask how breaking up would affect your finances. It\u2019s possible that ending things, at least doing so immediately, would force you to make big sacrifices that would make it hard to connect with family and friends, live in your chosen neighborhood, create a nest-egg or just plain survive. If the immediate financial hit is too hard, you\u2019re not trapped forever; you\u2019ll just have to wait while you save up and create a financial plan that makes the separation financially feasible.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n 4) Review Possible Red Flags<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Consider whether there are any \u201cred flag\u201d behaviors that make your or any relationship burdensome, unequal, or even dangerous. These behaviors include addictions, lying, overspending, impulsivity, and\/or violent behavior. If there are no such flags, you should nevertheless ask yourself whether the relationship is too one-sided and you don\u2019t get as much as you give. Then, if you do recognize red flags or inequality, ask a friend or therapist to help you find the strength to make a plan to move on. If you realize that you might be in danger, move quickly to get yourself and your children to safety.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n 5) When You Do Figure it Out, Keep Feelings Out of It<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re going to do a smart, factual assessment of the pros and cons of a relationship, you can do it when you\u2019re still feeling angry, hurt, or generally upset. And in order to have a clear head, you have to figure things out when you\u2019re calm, not moments after a fight or reconciliation. If you leave, you should believe that you\u2019d be better off without him for objective reasons, regardless of heartbreak and the loss of whatever he added to your life. If you stay, it should be with the conviction that he makes your life better and doesn\u2019t make it harder for you to be safe or be you. Whatever you decide, if you\u2019ve done a good review of (over)due diligence, you\u2019ll know you\u2019re doing the right thing, even if it feels a little wrong. Too often, when it comes to choosing whether to be, stay, or break-up with someone, we let our hearts be our guides. But when it comes to a committed partnership, feelings are a false guide; there\u2019s no way to share a house, family, life, savings account, and\/or bathroom with someone for eternity and not feel […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[85,87,89,28,46,25],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3174","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-acceptance","category-angerhatred","category-ffamily","category-happiness","category-marriage","category-relationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3174","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3174"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3174\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3175,"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3174\/revisions\/3175"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3174"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3174"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3174"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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