{"id":2745,"date":"2016-03-24T10:00:19","date_gmt":"2016-03-24T14:00:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/?p=2745"},"modified":"2016-03-22T16:02:57","modified_gmt":"2016-03-22T20:02:57","slug":"5-ways-to-figure-out-whether-youre-causing-your-bad-luck","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/2016\/03\/24\/5-ways-to-figure-out-whether-youre-causing-your-bad-luck\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Ways To Figure Out Whether You’re Causing Your Bad Luck"},"content":{"rendered":"

As our reader from earlier this week<\/a> made clear, it’s sometimes easier to blame yourself for bad\u00a0luck than accept how little power we have over our luck in the first place. So before needlessly\u00a0beating yourself up for false mistakes or claiming innocence and blaming fate entirely, take these\u00a0five steps to evaluate whether you\u2019re causing your bad luck or whether you’re caught being fate’s\u00a0bitch.<\/p>\n

1) Find the Facts<\/strong><\/p>\n

Do the detective work to gather any objective details that connect your actions and\u00a0responsibilities with what went wrong; facts aren’t based on opinion, so if you hold\u00a0yourself responsible because you were stupid or lazy, then you aren’t being a smart\u00a0detective on the case, just a big jerk to yourself. Be specific about what your\u00a0responsibilities were, what actually happened, when it happened, and how much\u00a0damage occurred. If the facts show that your actions were, in fact, destructive, then\u00a0it’s worth looking for larger patterns and help in managing your behavior.<\/p>\n

2) Mind Your Motives<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s easy to tell yourself something bad wouldn\u2019t have happened if you had simply\u00a0done something differently, e.g., if you’d only left the house ten minutes later or not\u00a0stayed for that second cup of coffee, you could have prevented all this trouble. Before\u00a0you go down the black hole of hypotheticals, however, ask yourself whether your\u00a0choices were intentionally harmful or made you feel good but were thoughtless and\u00a0potentially dangerous. If the answer is no, then your regrets are pointless, but if you\u00a0did make knowingly bad choices, you have to work to manage negative impulses.<\/p>\n

3) Think In the Third Person<\/strong><\/p>\n

If your friend were in the same situation and asked you whether she had done\u00a0anything wrong, odds are you wouldn’t judge her as harshly as you judge yourself and\u00a0blame her for being negligent, stupid or mean; even a stranger would be more willing\u00a0to give you the benefit of the doubt, with only an enemy rushing to condemn you so\u00a0unforgivingly. Remember, friends don’t decide whether you’re super-smart or perfect,\u00a0just whether you made reasonable decisions as an imperfect-but-trying-hard human\u00a0being. So be a friend to yourself and judge accordingly.<\/p>\n

4) Spell Out Your Standards<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you can\u2019t get over a guilty feeling simply because things turned out very badly, ask\u00a0yourself what specific rule you broke. Pretend you\u2019re writing out five rules for people\u00a0who have to manage the situation that caused you problems, for posting on the wall in\u00a0the office kitchen of your mind, right near the sign about labeling your food in the\u00a0fridge and not putting fish in the microwave. If you can\u2019t spell out a rule that you\u00a0broke, chances are the only rule you broke was, “don\u2019t have bad luck.\u201d<\/p>\n

5) Seek Out Smart Opinions<\/strong><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t let shame stop you from telling your story to a friend or professional, like a\u00a0therapist or even a lawyer, whom you can trust to be impartial. Don\u2019t choose someone\u00a0who just wants to make you feel good or someone mean, but someone who likes you\u00a0but is willing to tell it like it is. Present all the facts, asking whether you should have\u00a0done things differently and, if so, is there a lesson to learn other than that sometimes\u00a0life sucks. If, after all your opinion seeking, you find that the blame isn’t yours, it’s\u00a0your responsibility to find a way to move on. If it becomes clear that there are things\u00a0you could have done differently, your path forward involves finding ways to manage\u00a0that behavior so it doesn’t mess with your luck in the future.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As our reader from earlier this week made clear, it’s sometimes easier to blame yourself for bad\u00a0luck than accept how little power we have over our luck in the first place. So before needlessly\u00a0beating yourself up for false mistakes or claiming innocence and blaming fate entirely, take these\u00a0five steps to evaluate whether you\u2019re causing your […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[85,78,91,80],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2745","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-acceptance","category-failure","category-guilt","category-regret"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2745","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2745"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2745\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2747,"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2745\/revisions\/2747"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2745"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2745"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2745"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}