{"id":2617,"date":"2015-12-10T10:00:14","date_gmt":"2015-12-10T15:00:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/?p=2617"},"modified":"2015-12-10T14:05:19","modified_gmt":"2015-12-10T19:05:19","slug":"5-tips-for-dealing-with-an-asshole-parent","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/2015\/12\/10\/5-tips-for-dealing-with-an-asshole-parent\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Tips For Dealing With An Asshole\u2122 Parent"},"content":{"rendered":"

Having an Asshole\u2122 parent is never easy\u2014just as our reader from earlier this week<\/a>, along with countless other readers\/comedians\/former Presidents over the years\u2014but you can make it easier if you refuse to accept all the blame foisted upon you by their loving Asshole\u2122 arms. Here are five ways to define your responsibility for the happiness of an Asshole\u2122 parent, and, in doing so, quietly declare your independence.<\/p>\n

1. Exact Expectations<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ask yourself what kind and how much support, contact and company you would expect from your own adult daughter, assuming you will remain blessedly free of Asshole\u2122 genes by that stage. Give particular thought to what you would expect if you were sick, in trouble, or just trying to keep in touch.<\/p>\n

2. Put Her In Perspective<\/strong><\/p>\n

During the above process, ask yourself whether, assuming you\u2019re well, not in crisis, and not an Asshole\u2122, you’d feel entitled to impose all your needs on your adult kids. In all likelihood, you would consider it your job to prioritize their needs ahead of your own and to hope they would do the same with their children.<\/p>\n

3. Push Perspective Further<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ask yourself whether, like your mother, you’d consider yourself entitled to tell your kids anything you felt like saying, or to unload your disappointment with your friends or other relatives, or whether whining is ever good for anyone. If you’re answers are all “no”s, then tell yourself “no” when you want to feel guilty for not giving her an ear when she wants to do any of the above.<\/p>\n

4. Assess to What End<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you still think you owe it to your mother to be her ever-patient audience, then ask yourself how much happiness it actually gives her, and for how long, for you to be her punching bag\/emotional support, and whether that happiness is worth the cost to you in terms of loss of energy, privacy, sanity, etc.<\/p>\n

5. Put it in Writing<\/strong><\/p>\n

If your values tell you that your mother\u2019s expectations of you are unreasonable and her approach is harmful, and\/or making her happy is not worth the cost, prepare a brief statement that you can stick to, no matter how powerful her combined Asshole\u2122\/parenting powers. In it, assert that, though you really like to make her happy, you have different views about the amount of sharing that is good for a relationship, and that prevents you from complying with her requests. Now you’ve defined your responsibility to her, but more importantly, you’ve defined it for yourself, so no matter what she thinks, you know what’s right.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Having an Asshole\u2122 parent is never easy\u2014just as our reader from earlier this week, along with countless other readers\/comedians\/former Presidents over the years\u2014but you can make it easier if you refuse to accept all the blame foisted upon you by their loving Asshole\u2122 arms. Here are five ways to define your responsibility for the happiness […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[88,98,89,33,20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2617","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-assholes","category-crazy-people","category-ffamily","category-just-fcked","category-kidsparenting"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2617","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2617"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2617\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2622,"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2617\/revisions\/2622"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2617"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2617"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fxckfeelings.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2617"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}