Posted by fxckfeelings on August 6, 2020
The Declaration of Independence guarantees all American citizens the right to pursue happiness, and sure, that’s the dream, but if you’ve ever watched auditions for TV talent competitions then you know not everyone pursuing their dream can or should ever get it. So if you’re unhappy, feeling sorry for yourself is unavoidable, but blaming yourself isn’t allowed; no matter who you are or where you’re from, feelings are not something you can control. As we always say, feeling bad shouldn’t prevent you from trying to be a good person, which—no offense, founders—is the pursuit that really matters.
-Dr. Lastname
I have been dealing with a lot of issues for about five years but I can’t seem to work through them and it angers me. There are times where I can be OK and even happy, but then it changes to where I’m so sad or angry and can’t that I can’t do normal daily activities like eating or getting up. Recently I’ve been sleeping way too much but then I always seem to wake up more tired then I was before. My goal is to figure out how to manage these problems and get back to my normal life.
WAIT! There is more to read… read on »
Posted by fxckfeelings on March 15, 2018
When you’re dissatisfied with where you find yourself in life because you’re bad at getting yourself motivated and organized, it’s very easy to kick yourself so you can at least claim credit for being a good critic of your own failure. Unfortunately, self-blame just makes your performance, and thus your dissatisfaction, worse. So if you find yourself calling yourself a fuck-up, shut up and think about what you’re trying to accomplish, what gets in the way, and what control you really have over those obstacles. In almost every case, you’ll find new ways to move forward once you define and accept whatever it is that you can’t control instead of defining yourself as a loser.
-Dr. Lastname
I’m in my late 40s, married and fucked. I have tried to unfuck myself with the help of various therapists but I think the last one fucked me more because he was really trying to get to my inner child and get me to be more vulnerable during sessions. Also he made me lay on a couch, not facing him…which always made me feel uncomfortable. At any rate, I fired him. My main issues are that I ‘m a hopeless slacker. Even worse, my dream in life was to be an actor– I have theater training and want to be creative and fulfill my need to create art, etc….but I’m isolated in my home and don’t really do much besides talk to myself and waste time. I’m trying not to drink (I am an alcoholic), but I’m bored to death and my only social interaction with other humans is on Facebook. I don’t have a job because I hate working for people, because they’re assholes. I was once a pretty well domesticated animal but now I can barely go out in public without wanting to bite people, which is not very easy on my lovely wife. I think I should look for a new therapist, but I’m not exactly motivated. Can lobotomies be performed on demand? My goal is to be less fucked.
WAIT! There is more to read… read on »
Posted by fxckfeelings on October 15, 2015
Earlier this week, we heard from a reader who’s having trouble coping with a disabling illness. While such situations may feel hopeless, there are ways to make the best of life and have a lot to be proud of in the process. When you have an overwhelming health issue, here are five things you can do to cope.
1. Stop Asking Why…
Resist the temptation to figure out what you, your family, your boss, your cat, etc., did to ruin your health. Don’t think for a minute that exercise and healthy eating offered you significant protection, or that your failure to recover constitutes a medical mystery or probable malpractice. A guaranteed healthy existence is something advertisers promise in order to sell things; in the real world, no one is immune to bad luck.
2. …And Ask Smarter Questions
Instead of blindly accepting whatever treatment is offered, ask yourself, your doctor, and whatever relevant literature exists what the chances are that it will help you and how you can measure its benefit. That way you can stop that treatment and move on if it’s not doing you any measurable good. It’s also helpful to contact other people with a similar condition, not just to compare treatments, but to prove to yourself that life can be this unfair to anyone, not just you.
3. Be Patient and Persistent
Don’t quit treatment because the first efforts have failed. If, as suggested above, you’ve educated yourself about all treatments, then list those you think are worth trying and pick your doctors’ brains about the ones they would try on themselves. Don’t rely on your doctors to make all the decisions; work together as a team to figure out what actions are worth trying.
4. The Mental Health Factor
Read up on the way anxiety and depression can make you feel like a failure, riding a roller coaster into a seemingly-bottomless pit that’s actually a well of shit. Find out about all the treatments that can protect you from these dangerous distortions and try those you think can help; but whatever you do, don’t assume the helpless voices in your head are reliable and worth listening to.
5. Take Stock/Credit
Make a list of your usual priorities—like keeping busy, spending time with the people who matter, and continuing to be a good person by your own standards—and build those priorities into your schedule, making allowances whenever possible for the fact that you are sometimes incapacitated. Then review the immense amount of work you do to manage symptoms and tolerate disability, and respect your efforts while continuing to live your life, despite poor health and bad luck.
Posted by fxckfeelings on July 6, 2015
We’re taking a (belated) day off for Independence Day here in the US, but to show our British readers that we’re not gloating, we present this link to pre-order the UK edition of the book on Amazon.co.uk. It seems we’re all just Amazon’s colonies now.
We heart the cover of our book’s UK edition.
And of course, we’ll have a new post on Thursday.
–Dr. Lastname
Posted by fxckfeelings on May 25, 2015
We’re taking time off this Memorial Day weekend, so in lieu of a new post, here’s the first review of our book, and it’s positive (starred, even), from Kirkus. Enjoy, and we’ll be back Thursday.
–Dr. Lastname
Posted by fxckfeelings on June 19, 2014
We all wish we could leave our kids lots of wealth, property, and maybe a senate seat, but instead they just end up with our receding hairlines and bad metabolisms. For those of us with especially poisonous genes, it’s hard to know how much or little to warn your kids about what they might be in for. On the one hand, you don’t want to make them feel different or doomed, but on the other hand, you don’t want to nag them so much that they rebel and tempt their genetic fate. In either case, you can help kids understand and manage their genetic risks if you can stay calm and stick with the facts. You can’t get kids to do what you want, no matter what their genes, but you can help them think rationally about scary problems and teach them your methods for living with risks and leading a meaningful life, no matter what kind of gut or estate they end up with.
–Dr. Lastname
Mental illness runs in my family—I take antidepressants and my mother is on lithium—and now I’m really afraid that my fifteen-year-old son is showing signs of having the family disease. We’re a really close family, including my mother, but this is just not a subject we talk about. I want to get help for my son, but I don’t want him to feel like I’m trying to control him, nor do I want to spook him about how he’s going to be a psycho all his life. My goal is to tell him something that gets him to accept help.
Lots of disorders are hereditary—near-sightedness, sickle cell, that thing where you think cilantro tastes like soap—but few are quite as stigmatized as mental illness. After all, nobody is ashamed for having or passing on genes that make you dislike most gazpacho.
Then again, if you’ve managed to keep the stigma of mental illness from keeping you from seeking treatment for yourself, you shouldn’t let fear or shame keep you from reaching out to your son. You’ve managed depression for many years, and even though you didn’t intend to pass this on to your son, you can at least give him the benefit of your experience.
The fact that you’re his father need not interfere with your ability to help, as long as you don’t allow worries to cause you to pressure him. Instead, give him information and tell him how to think about mental illness, but don’t tell him what to do. That’s because telling him what to do is the best way to get him to do exactly the opposite; every directive has an equal and opposite reaction is basically Newteen’s Third Law. WAIT! There is more to read… read on »
Posted by fxckfeelings on March 3, 2014
Hello readers!
After dispensing advice on this website for five (five!) years as Dr. Lastname, we’re happy to announce that we’re about to put our advice in print, and under our actual names. The book, tentatively titled F*ck Feelings: One Shrink’s Practical Advice for Managing All of Life’s Impossible Problems, was recently acquired by the esteemed geniuses at Simon & Schuster, and is due for release in 2015.
Furthermore, it will be credited not to Dr. Lastname, but to Dr. Michael Bennett (he of the two Harvard degrees), and his daughter, Sarah Bennett, a comedy writer in New York (who has a BFA from not-Harvard, and can be read here and there on the internets).
More about us and the book as the release date approaches, but for now, we have to write the damned thing, which means taking off some time this summer. Until we can tell you more details, please continue to tell us about your problems, and we’ll keep answering, no matter what we call ourselves.
–Dr. Lastname, aka, Dr. Bennett and not-Dr. Bennett
Posted by fxckfeelings on September 2, 2013
…which is why we’re taking a week off at the unofficial start of fall. We look forward to hearing from you if returning to work and/or school makes your mood drop like the temperature.
–Dr. Lastname
Posted by fxckfeelings on May 27, 2013
It’s a long weekend in the US for Memorial Day, so as you fight battles with your family over old grudges or just the last hotdog, remember those who lost their lives in real battles (and also to write us, because even if the battles with your sister-in-law never result in fatalities, she’s still really annoying).
Until Thursday,
Dr. Lastname
Posted by fxckfeelings on November 22, 2012
For Americans, today is all about the one feeling approved by Dr. Lastname– feeling full. Happy Thanksgiving, and we’ll be back on Monday.
–Dr. Lastname
