Posted by fxckfeelings on May 27, 2009
Protecting one’s children is a powerful instinct, but it’s important not to become so blinded by that instinct that you can’t see if your protection is doing more harm than good. The two kids in these cases are particularly vulnerable, but their parents might be so committed to fighting for their kids that they can’t see how they’re actually declaring a larger, futile war.
–Dr. Lastname
My son is in 5th grade, and my wife and I were recently called into a meeting with the vice principal to discuss my son’s behavior. We were told that he routinely disrupts class, talks back to teachers, throws balls over the wall at recess, and, overall, “refuses to behave.” His school work is terrible, I admit that, and she says that this is because it’s nearly impossible to teach him since he won’t focus or really do anything but act up. Her recommendation was meeting with a school-appointed psychiatrist, and that that doctor would likely prescribe medication for ADHD. My wife is OK with that plan, but I think the situation is crazy, not my kid. He’s 10 years old, of course he’s acting like a brat, and I’m sick of people throwing drugs at every child that doesn’t sit still. I don’t want my son turned into some Ritalin zombie. My goal is to get him to get him in line with his school without putting him on pills.
You’re the parent, the tough decisions are always your responsibility, and the decision whether or not to medicate your kid is a hard one. What you and any right-thinking teacher or doctor would prefer, first and foremost, is a non-medical way of helping your son control his behavior.
While the common perception (yours included) is that shrinks like myself are eager to put people on the pharmaceutical bandwagon, that simply isn’t an infallible truth. Medication is never entirely safe, and is certainly less safe than most non-medical interventions, like behavioral treatments. Just because doctors can prescribe medication doesn’t mean it’s always our go-to answer.
WAIT! There is more to read… read on »
Posted by fxckfeelings on May 7, 2009
Since Monday was about anxiety, it makes sense that Thursday should be about the peanut butter to anxiety’s jelly– depression! In these two cases, depression has created urgent circumstances, not just for someone in pain, but for a sympathetic bystander. And, as often happens, the negative beliefs caused by depression are much more dangerous than depression itself.
–Dr. Lastname
Someone I’m close to called and e-mailed me a few times last night about killing himself, and this isn’t the first-time this has happened. The last time I got him to call a hotline and get help, and he agreed to go to therapy, but for whatever reason, it didn’t take, and now we’re back to square one. I’d like to believe that this time is another false alarm—that the fact he tells me he’s going to kill himself means that he wants me to talk me out of it—but how can I ever be sure? When he called last night, he asked me if I wanted to kill myself with him, I said no, but then he hung up before I could ask him where he was. Without a location for him, I didn’t feel like I could call the police, but I did call his parents (they couldn’t reach/find him, either). I don’t know what else to do, and frankly, I’m terrified. Please help me do whatever I can to keep him alive.
It’s dangerous to try to save the life of a suicide bomber, and that’s what certain very angry suicidal people are. It’s dangerous for them as well as for you, because the fact of your caring may give them a witness, a target for their anger, and a sense of meaning to their death.
If you don’t respond to his calls, he may take perverse satisfaction in letting you know he died because you failed him. If you do respond, he may tell you that you’re the only person keeping him alive.
Along the way, he tries to talk you into joining him. Whatever. He puts a terrible responsibility on you for his tortured life, and things go downhill from there.
WAIT! There is more to read… read on »
Posted by fxckfeelings on April 12, 2009
If last week started with 101 cases, this week begins with a few from the 201 level; the first two are follow-ups to Thursday’s post about how to deal with crazy people, and the last case, about therapy itself, might seem a little too inside baseball at first glance, but it’s really about basic ways to evaluate whether or not therapy is worth it for you. Especially if you’re not actually crazy.
Thanks for the letters, and please keep them coming. Also, thanks to everyone for the nice tweets, and we’d respond personally more frequently were we not somewhat twittertarded. Alas.
-Dr. Lastname
Follow-up to the crazy neighbor dilemma: If the sane party chooses to move, how will they be able to sell their house without lying about why they are moving? Will anyone buy their house if they say there is a vindictive crazy man next door who may fixate on your family? What are your thoughts?
While this query might have been submitted with a short, direct response in mind, I’m treating it as a full case as it brings up an interesting issue; what’s your goal if someone has you squeezed into a totally inescapable corner, like the crazy neighbor who terrorizes you if you stay in your home and prevents you from selling it and leaving?
You might think your goal is escape, but in reality, that’s more of a wish; sometimes you’re fucked, you can’t escape, and feeling you should will increase your helplessness and self-blame and make you do something stupid. Simply put, your goal is to accept that you’re fucked and keep trying to escape. Remember, this is not useful, solution-oriented advice– it’s advice about what to do when there are no solutions, which is what life’s toughest situations are all about. And those are the kind of situations that drive someone to pay lots of money to talk to someone like me.
WAIT! There is more to read… read on »
