Corporate Care

Posted by fxckfeelings on December 20, 2010

Whenever people are hurting at work, management will try to boost productivity by easing pain, which makes them feel both competent and compassionate. Trouble is, most such efforts piss everyone off by trivializing pain and suggesting things can be better when they can’t. Instead of trying to coddle your workforce or push up your company morale, both the employee and the employed would probably do better if they respected the fact that work is often painful, kept the personal bullshit to a minimum, and just got back to work.
–Dr. Lastname

[Adapted from a reader’s comment.]

Our boss tried to improve sagging morale by having us meet regularly in small groups led by a psychologist. I wish I could figure out what she’s trying to do and not be so annoyed by the way she’s doing it. She asks us to think of a wish-list of how to improve the way the organization functions, and then asks if that’s alright, and then, when someone describes something they’d like to see, like making people feel special by recognizing their birthdays, she praises them for having a great idea and makes them think of ways they could implement it, and then asks us if that’s alright, and then tells us we’re doing great and asks for more and is that alright. She sounds like Hal in 2001 and acts like a computer reinforcing people for contributions that will lift the group. Frankly, she creeps me out and the reason morale is bad is because we’re working too hard and not getting paid enough. My goal is to figure out what to do about someone who is being false and unhelpful.

Your work colleagues are not your family, regardless of what the boss and the boss’s psychologist tell you. When they start holding “sharing” sessions like this, the office becomes “The Office.”

Positive recognition and communication are not the answer to your work troubles, if only because work often sucks, which is why you get paid to do it. If you’re unhappy about doing too much for too little, it sucks even more.

You’ve got too many deadlines as is, and the company spends money on this crap instead of overtime for the people who actually work there. Too bad you couldn’t ask the psychologist what she was getting paid, hand it out to those who had to meet with her, and go out for a drink.

Having a psychologist spread good vibes and make everyone feel empowered for a few minutes is actually an affront to anyone who knows the score, and an invitation to the brain-dead sentimentalists you most hate to work with to bask in a psychobabble glow and feel affirmed by the powers that be. It’s workplace waterboarding, and you’re lucky you survived.

So now everyone’s birthday gets recognized and they feel nurtured, but whoops, you’re fired because the company merged or the boss who wished you a special happy birthday doesn’t really like you. Now where is the psychologist when you need her?

As irritating as it is to listen to this crap, and as fun as it is to rant about, keep your feelings to yourself. Bosses and psychologists need to feel helpful, particularly when they’re helpless, and they don’t take kindly to rejection. After all, if they wanted feedback, they’d install a suggestion box (that would be ignored).

Your goal, during a tough time at work, is to keep things from becoming personal; so don’t make them personal by showing your displeasure. What you do to deal with the false, unhelpful cavalry is learn to ignore them and pretend to play nice. Maybe your office’s version of Stanley can lend you a crossword puzzle.

STATEMENT:
“Group therapy at the workplace is an insulting, condescending waste of time. I know things aren’t going well for the company and we’re all stressed, but I’d be happier with a boss who levels with me and appreciates what we’re going through, rather than someone who thinks he can make me happy with empty words and personal bonding. However, everyone and everything is more irritating when a company is in trouble, and a true professional is the one who just does his work, stays polite, and keeps his feelings to him/herself.”

I wish I could help the people I manage who have become increasingly stressed as the economy soured, our budget shrank, and we were given a reduced workforce to do a bigger job. They’ve risen to the occasion, but I see them staying late and looking tired, tense, and irritable, and I think they could benefit from learning some stress reduction exercises. I would also benefit from helping them out, because my heart goes out to them for the way they’re suffering. My goal is to help them learn to cope.

When times are tough and people are overworked and facing layoffs, don’t think you’re doing them a favor as a manager by giving them feel-good exercises. It’s like tickling someone whose dog just died.

Your job as a manager isn’t to make them feel good; if that’s what you want, become a comedian or sex-worker. Your job is to help people get home on time by prioritizing carefully and helping them do the same.

Respect their stress as an unavoidable necessity, and help them manage it by being a good manager yourself and not wasting their time. Let them know what’s important, and ask those who are more efficient to show others how they can get their work done faster.

Don’t motivate them by pretending you’re all one family. After one or two rounds of layoffs, everyone will see you as a cruel and untrustworthy parent who’s ready to throw your own kids under the bus, making an already painful process that much more personally devastating (and making more business for me).

Make it clear that, as much as work counts, it’s only work. Layoffs are just another form of bad luck and have nothing to do with how you respect or care for someone as a person. What matters is how people cope with bad luck; that’s what you respect. If you still want to help them cope, buy a box of cupcakes for the break room and close your office door.

STATEMENT:
“I hate watching people suffer but it’s part of work-life. I will help my team become more efficient. I will remind them that work is work and that jobs are often lost, regardless of how well people do. I will respect people’s efforts and their ability to bear stress, regardless of how much they achieve or whether they keep their jobs.”