5 Ways To Be Your Own Disciplinarian
Posted by fxckfeelings on May 16, 2019
When your life is particularly unstructured and chaotic, it can be hard to restore order, especially if you’ve usually relied on outside sources—like your family, school or job—to provide structure and discipline for you in the past. So when you can’t find a tiger mom or drill sergeant to whip you into shape, here are five ways to be your own disciplinarian.
1) Prepare a List of Your Priorities
Even if your whole life is up in the air, there are certain fundamental needs that keep us all grounded, like money, food, shelter, and health care. There are probably things in life you think you need, from a romantic relationship to a drink, but it’s worth sitting down and differentiating between your needs and wants, then making a plan to fulfill those needs in a way that doesn’t violate one of your other major priorities; being a decent person, despite the shitshow that you’re currently living through.
2) Don’t Give in to Distraction
If you’re someone who tends to put the needs of others first—either because you’re just programmed that way, or because experience, like military training, has done the programming for you—then you have to learn to supress that instinct. The common analogy in times of personal crisis is to think of airline safety instructions; you need to put your oxygen mask on first before you can help anybody else. For veterans in particular, the instinct to find good people to protect and bad people to attack will be strong, but your job right now is to protect yourself. Otherwise, you’re useless to help the people you care about.
3) Reflect on Your Resources
No matter how resourceless you may feel, and no matter how many obstacles may be in your way, from health to legal issues, you always have time and abilities you’ve accrued over the course of your life. If you’ve had military training or just waited tables, or have a rich uncle or just know someone who knows someone who’s hiring, you have abilities or connections that can help you get through.
4) Set up a Schedule
After you settle on a list of priorities, make a daily schedule with blocks of time dedicated to each item on your list. If can get some idea of how much time you’ll need to accomplish each goal, that will make you schedule even more useful in terms of dividing your time more wisely and prioritizing tasks even further. Then set alerts on your phone, set up a rewards system for yourself, whatever it takes to keep your new structure intact.
5) Build a Team
Since phone alerts are rarely enough support, don’t be too proud or shy to get your friends and family, or even a professional, like a therapist, to help you stay focused. Assemble a team that’s willing to help you monitor your progress by discussing your planning, reviewing your schedule and priorities, and talking with you regularly about your execution of your plan. Remember, you’re supposed to lean on their shoulders, not cry on them; if you unload on them with your feelings of helplessness or disappointment, it will make them feel helpless and likely to abandon the mission. Keep focused on what you’re trying to do, and they’ll help keep you focused on your goals in return. Then they’ll be more motivated to give you what you need, you’ll be more motivated to do what you need, and you’ll have a structure that will support you and your plans going forward.
