He Dread, She Dread

Posted by fxckfeelings on December 22, 2014

Freaking out is good for your health in the moment if you’re facing a lion, zombie, or Beyonce, but if the moment passes and the freak-out doesn’t, then you’ve got problems. Some people then freak out about freaking out and see nothing but dark clouds sweeping in, while others shut the world out entirely and create a darkness of their own. In either case, if you don’t want fear to run your life, learn to assess your real risks and actual strengths. Then you can face anything from scary thoughts to American royalty without freaking out too much and feeling like your life is over.
–Dr. Lastname

Over the last few years, my panic attacks have been getting worse and nothing seems to work. So far, I’ve been able to hold it together and do my job, but I often have to hide in the bathroom for short periods in order to catch my breath and talk myself off the ledge. Valium helps a bit, but I have to be careful not to take it regularly or I’ll get addicted, which I’m very frightened of happening because addiction runs in my family. Other medication hasn’t helped, nor have changes to my diet and exercise routine, so I’m getting scared and desperate. My goal is to find a psychiatrist who can help me before anxiety ruins my life.

When you’re prone to experiencing random episodes of intense, meaningless fear that make your heart race, your throat close up, and your brain tell you the world is ending, it’s hard to be optimistic. They don’t call them panic attacks because they make you freak out about how great your future will be.

On top of that, panic attacks have no cure and, as you get older, anxiety tends to get worse. So, while it’s not surprising if you see the light at the end of the tunnel as either a train, a laser cannon, or the fires of hell itself, you have good reason for hope.

You’ve shown that you’re strong when it comes to managing panic and getting through a workday. You’re also good at managing your valium, so you have the strength to use an effective symptom-reliever without succumbing to its addictiveness. And you’re practiced in the arts of physical anxiety management, even if you practice it in an office toilet. In other words, you’ve got less to panic about than you think.

It’s the nature of fear to put negative thoughts in your head and tell you that things are going from bad to worse. Spend time with other people who’ve had panic attacks, however, and you’ll regain a more solid perspective. You’ll meet people who continue to live full, active lives in spite of panic and negative thinking. Talking with them, you’ll respect their achievement and regain your perspective.

There are probably some medications you haven’t tried, but should; it’s too bad that we can’t predict which medications will work, and many require long trials of three to six weeks before you know whether they’ll help. Although some help just a little bit, putting two or three such medications together can give you major relief.

Remember, the worse you feel, the more likely it is you’ll be motivated to complete medication trials and find several that work. Other panic attack sufferers might also have insight into what medication to try, or even what doctors would be able to help you best.

It may be hard to remember this when you’re on the floor of a toilet stall trying to get your lungs and heart to cooperate, but no matter how it manifests itself physically, panic really is just a feeling. Keep working at your already well-developed management tools and living your life, and you can keep panic from taking over.

STATEMENT:
“I can’t help but feeling overwhelmed by panic, but I’m stronger and better armed than I feel, and there’s more that I can do. I’ll reach out for strength and perspective, and keep on doing what works.”

My mother is always nagging me about the unpaid bills she sees in my kitchen, and, while she doesn’t say anything, I think she knows or at least suspects that I’ve also got unpaid taxes and speeding tickets (which is why I’m now driving with a suspended license). I’m not trying to be a deadbeat, but I’m just too depressed to deal with this hole I’ve dug myself into, and nothing seems to help my depression, so nothing can get me well enough to take on these problems. Plus, her nagging makes it worse. My goal is to feel better, but also to get my mother off my back.

Depression can be pretty debilitating, but avoiding major obligations can be worse that debilitating: it can put you in jail. Certainly, depression makes it much, much harder to get things done, in part because it saps your energy and impairs your executive function, i.e., your ability to track multiple tasks, like pay bills, file taxes, and clean up your kitchen before your mother comes over.

Unfortunately, once you develop habits of avoidant behavior, your problems increase exponentially. The more notices you receive in the mail, if you look at your mail, the more depressed you get. You’re stuck in a vicious cycle that will not end well, because, as depressing as your life currently is, life behind bars will be much worse. Your goal then isn’t to get your mother off your back, but to let her words get under your skin.

Fortunately, you can get things done, even when you’re depressed, if you’re determined and reach out for help. Instead of asking your mother to butt out, ask her to go through your mail and help you put together a plan to get out of debt and right with the law. Let people know that you’re drowning in avoidance and need all the help you can get.

There’s no AA for avoiders, so start your own group. No, admitting your helplessness won’t make you feel better, but it is, as they say in AA, the First Step towards getting your life together. Once you create a life-saving to-do list and work on it every day, you’ll feel stronger and you’ll know that you’re finally giving yourself the help and protection you deserve.

Depression has put you into a rut that a little panic might shake you out of, as long as you remember that there are good things you can do to save yourself. You may not be able to get out of bed or do things yourself, but if you believe that you deserve good help and are willing to reach out, you can get your mom off your case by getting back on your feet.

STATEMENT:
“I feel like nothing much happens in my life and I just can’t get going, but lots is happening and I need to fight for myself. I will reach out and get help doing what needs to be done, even if I can’t immediately make the depression go away.”