Panic Boon

Posted by fxckfeelings on September 25, 2014

While fear usually inspires a fight or flight response, there’s also an equally unappealing third choice, “freeze,” which is when you’re too scared to move, explore your options, or even hold on to a shred of hope. In any case, once fear makes you forget your strengths and opportunities, it becomes far more dangerous than whatever you’re actually afraid of. Instead, use fear to make you think harder instead of more imaginatively about any and all forms of impending doom and you’ll usually find an effective way to handle your problem and take the fourth option in the face of fear, “calmly figuring shit out.”
–Dr. Lastname

I like my job as a hairdresser, but getting a career wasn’t easy; I had to overcome a drinking problem and a life-long learning disability that forced me to take the certification test several times before I was dry and focused enough to pass. I recently had to have oral surgery that landed me on a short course of painkillers, but when I got off I couldn’t stop shaking or crying because I became fixated on the possibility the drugs will lead me back to booze. My husband is supportive, but he doesn’t make enough money to support our family on his own, and I can’t imagine going back to work while having anxiety attacks every day. I need a way to control these attacks or I don’t know what’s going to happen to me or my family.

You may think that your brief, warranted use of a controlled substance is what’s filled you with anxiety, but it’s actually the uncontrollable fear unleashed by that experience that’s flooded you with an unwarranted, seemingly-unending amount of negative thoughts and panic.

You proved long ago that you have the strength to fight addiction and build a normal life, but anxiety is destroying the confidence you deserve. And if you keep being afraid of what you can’t control, you risk letting your life spin even further into chaos.

Unfortunately, it’s normal for anxiety attacks to feel overwhelming; there’s a reason they’re called panic attacks and not “tension tickles” or “angst itches.” They drive strong, intelligent men and women to call ambulances, fearing for their lives, even if they were taken to the emergency room the day before, received a mega-medical workup, and were told they’re perfectly OK.

Feeling you must stop the panic makes it worse, because you often can’t. You can study all the good techniques for calming down, including yoga, exercise, biofeedback, self-hypnosis, and meditation, and still find it impossible to stop the fear. Years of cognitive therapy may prepare you for the flood of negative thoughts, but not stem the flow.

So don’t make it your goal to stop panic attacks, as horrible as they are; take courage from the fact that you’ve recovered before from anxiety and addiction, and you will again if you use the techniques of recovery to build your determination.

Don’t let shame prevent you from reaching out for support. Go to meetings, talk to other people who’ve recovered, and let them tell you what helped them. Find a good, positive therapist who can coach you and, possibly, your husband. Remember your strengths and achievements and write them down, and keep up your efforts to find medications that can help you, even if many medication trials take a long time and require much patience.

Anxiety is probably crippling you less than you think; just because you feel like a wreck doesn’t mean you are one. If at all possible, try to work, and see what you can get done, and if your boss agrees that you’re not scaring away clients, do what you can and see if work can distract you.

You can’t control anxiety, but you can refuse to believe what it tells you. Trust your experience and the wisdom of friends, force yourself to do as much of your usual routine as possible, and you’ll know that you’re managing anxiety, not being managed by it.

STATEMENT:
“I feel like I shouldn’t leave the house, but I know I’m able to get up and do chores, and I think I can do more, even though I’m afraid to look people in the eye. I won’t stop pushing myself to live my usual life while I continue to try to get panic under control.”

Ever since they changed my job description, I can’t stand going to work, but I also can see no way out. I used to enjoy one-on-one interactions, and I really have a talent for talking to people, but once they put me in a different department with more administrative duties, I can’t find a single thing I enjoy or am good at; I’m no good at the numbers and I don’t like business. I can’t see quitting because I need the work and don’t want to lose my pension, but I feel like a total loser who has no options that won’t ruin my life, even though it’s already ruined. My goal is to get through the next few years without feeling totally demoralized and depressed or endangering my financial security.

If you can’t see a way out of your dead end job, it’s because fear blinds you to alternatives; the only thing you dread more than being stuck at a job that you hate is dealing with change and losing the security of a sure-thing job, seniority, and pension benefits. You deserve better, even if looking around and making choices makes you very nervous.

Remember, unless your company goes bankrupt or your behavior goes south, no one at work will force you to jump ship or overboard, so you need to take the initiative. Talk with colleagues about their career options, or find a job coach who can prepare you to talk to headhunters. Look for educational certifications that document your current skills, or get training for skills for which you know you have aptitude. Use your experience to tailor your search.

If fear makes you avoidant, ask friends and family to help you stay on task. Give yourself specific job search goals to accomplish every day and week, and let people know whether you’ve met them. Your goal isn’t just to look for a job, but to prevent fear from making that search impossible.

Don’t give up unless your search makes it clear that there are no good opportunities. Your fears may tell you your efforts will end badly, but instead of ignoring them completely, use your fears to identify risks while examining all possible options. Then, no matter what happens, you’ll know that being scared doesn’t mean being stuck.

STATEMENT:
“I can’t think about looking for a new job without feeling I’m bound to lose all the security I’ve built up over many years, but I know those feelings are unrealistic. I will look for new opportunities while being careful, and take no new job unless the benefits are substantial and worth the risk.”