Choice Recognition

Posted by fxckfeelings on May 19, 2014

A job well done is like a tree in the forest; is a good performance really gratifying if nobody else makes a sound about it, specifically genuinely approving sounds like the words, “hey, well done!” Whether you don’t get recognition that you deserve, or get recognition you don’t deserve, the disconnect between effort and reward can undermine your belief in the value of hard work and excellence. So, instead of valuing hard work and excellence for expected success, accept the fact that recognition is often beyond your control, and that hard work and excellence do nothing more than allow you to know you’ve done your best. Then, regardless of recognition, your self-respect is your own, and you won’t be falling over yourself, in the woods or the office, for recognition from anyone else.
–Dr. Lastname

I know I’m a good painter, but I really haven’t managed to accomplish much over the last few years. I love painting, but I can’t stand the fact that I’ve never received much recognition and much of what I like about my work isn’t popular right now or likely to sell. So, between having limited free time to paint (after doing my day-job and time with family), being poorly organized (I’ve always had trouble keeping track of appointments, taxes, etc.), and not knowing how to paint something that people will respond to, I’ve gotten very little done. My goal is to figure out how to paint something that people will admire and want to buy.

While teen behavior mostly gives lessons in what not to do—take naked selfies, get YOLO tattoos, etc.—there is one thing teens understand that creative adults seem to forget, and that’s to never, ever to make it obvious that you’re trying too hard.

If you force your art to be something it’s not, it’s not going to connect with anyone. You won’t get mocked in homeroom, but you won’t get rich, either. In your case, it’s because your need for approval isn’t strong enough to force you to fake it, so you just can’t get anything done.

With time and effort, you may find a way to stay true to your vision while making it more appealing or simply survive cultural fashion change until people are more receptive to what you have to say. In the meantime, however, the frustration of wishing for recognition may prevent you from maturing and surviving as an artist, and that’s artist in the spiritual, if not professional, sense.

Needing recognition may drive you to drink or discouragement, and, in trying too hard to find a market, you may lose touch with what’s unique about your work. You may compare yourself to other art school grads whose work is more popular and accessible, or who have an easier time getting organized and productive, and then, of course, feel like a loser. Unless you’re lucky, being an artist makes you vulnerable to feelings of self-criticism and worthlessness that are worse than anything you’d encounter on a regular job. So parents, don’t let your kids grow up to be artists. At least cowboys get good cardio.

Your first job as an unrecognized, not -likely-to-be-popular-soon artist, is to define your own standards of success, including reasonable weekly work hours and a commitment to staying in touch with what you believe is beautiful, even as you try to make an impact on other people. Develop tools for fighting off useless comparisons or dangerous dependence on the opinion of critics or the market. It’s helpful to have an art-coach—find your own personal Tim Gunn—who recognizes your successes and appreciates your hard work.

Remind yourself that your goal is not to gain recognition or sell art, but to do all you can to create and develop your work, doing your best to make it marketable while not taking responsibility for the many things you don’t control, like sales and how critics feel. Your goal is to learn how to survive the possibly long desert-walk when you’re working hard, but nothing is happening.

You can’t fail if you believe in your vision, nurture it, and put in the hours you believe you can commit. Recognition by others may define the amount of money you make from your art, but it will never define your success as an artist.

If you don’t stay true to yourself, that’s the only thing that’ll be recognized, and as you know, the results—like adolescence itself—are ugly.

STATEMENT:
“I can’t stand feeling ignored and unproductive, but I love painting and believe I have something to say. I will meet my own standards for productivity while I try to develop a vision that can touch people.”

I should probably feel lucky about my work, because I’ve gotten three raises and lots of praise from my boss, but I finally have to admit that that the main reason I get as much attention as I do is because I’m an attractive woman working in a male business, and I get special treatment. Don’t get me wrong, I think I’m good at what I do, but I know at least one guy who’s just as good and I’ve been promoted twice while he’s gone nowhere. Part of me says shut up, you need the money, take advantage of what you got, and part of me wishes I was really getting recognized for what I do, and not my boobs. My goal is to be recognized as a person.

Whether we like to call attention to it or not, your value in many jobs is enhanced by good looks, whether you’re an actor, waiter, or congressman. When it comes to how much you get paid, or whether someone will stop to help you change a tire, good looks are good luck. When it comes to finding people who are attracted to you as a person, respect you for your real ability, and are likely to be good friends, good looks are often an obstacle.

Getting recognized as a person may be a valid desire, but so is world peace and a toilet-trained dog; it’s entirely out of your control, so forget about it. You happen to live in a world that will often mischaracterize you as someone you aren’t, so your goal is to develop ways of dealing with this sad fact by knowing your own priorities.

You’re wise enough to know that the attention you get from your looks isn’t a pleasure you can depend on forever, and that it potentially interferes with good relationships, so ask yourself how much you value your salary and the nature of your work. Consider whether the value of your job’s advantages outweighs the pain of working with bozos.

Whether you decide that it does or doesn’t, remind yourself that you’re the one making the key decision. If you’re working there, it’s not because you’re taking unfair advantage of male stupidity or allowing yourself to be victimized by their tendency to objectify you. It’s because it’s a job you like and get paid for, and it’s worth putting up with shit.

Your boss’s response to your good looks may be distracting and unfair, but it’s not your problem as long as you know you’re doing the job well and getting what you deserve, even if it’s for the wrong reason. Usually, you don’t get what you deserve for the wrong reason. This time, fortunately, you do.

As time passes, look for a job where management is smarter, less hormone-driven, or more female. Meanwhile, don’t let a dumb response change your management goals, which are to do a good job and present your work and ideas cogently and whenever necessary. You’re not responsible for your boss’ response, so just stay responsible for doing your work as well as finding new work in less objectifying environs.

STATEMENT:
“I don’t feel comfortable at work and I can’t respect my boss, but I am confident in my ability to get the work done and I’m pleased that they’re paying me what they should. When I can find a job with better management, I will make a move.”