Funemployment

Posted by fxckfeelings on January 20, 2011

Work, like relationships, weight gain, and luck in general, is a big part of life, but not always telling of who we are as people. When people feel like work defines who they are, they always feel like a failure if they’re working too little, too much, or in a job that doesn’t offer enough. Sadly, you don’t control your job (or your ability to find someone, or to keep M&M’s from bloating you up like a deer tick, or preventing an anvil from falling on your head, etc.). What defines you is how you deal with the necessity of work, your performance, and your limitations. And whether or not to supersize that.
–Dr. Lastname

I have arrived at a destination in my life after a long period of study, with a two year gap to overcome the burn out, and a return to the mammoth uphill battle to complete the certification requirements, where I thought, never again will I feel apathy, scared, bored, hatred of employment. I was a passionate dedicated student and I loved being a student up until the last couple of years, which were made worse by a university in turmoil and academics who lost interest in my specialist field when it was cut from the university. I was dedicated and driven to succeed, but after a immense effort to find any work in my new chosen field or related field with not much luck, it then struck me, that at the ripe old age of fifty-two, I don’t care much for work, of any kind. I am now living on welfare, because I could find work initially but now I don’t want it. I have to do something with my life, I can’t just up and retire and I don’t have the money anyway. My friends seem to be getting on with their lives, buying houses, but do I want to slave away and struggle on my own to pay off a mortgage only to be probably too old to enjoy it when I get there? I have developed some medical issues over the years, but I do not see myself as disabled. My goal is to become unstuck, find meaning in life/work balance again, get my mojo and drive back.

One of the good things about being 52 and unemployed is that you’re old enough to see your priorities more clearly than when you were younger. You now have the experience to know what you can and can’t do with none of the messy hopes and dreams.

One of the bad things, however, is that you don’t have that much time left on this earth and your material needs are obvious and more and more pressing.

You need to do what you have to do, regardless of whether work is interesting or fulfilling, because when you’re in your fifties, living like a grad student isn’t just depressing, it’s potentially unhealthy.

I’m assuming from what you say that you could work if you wanted to, but that you’re discouraged by your inability to find anything meaningful or related to your training. Please confirm this assumption with yourself by doing a thorough review, because it’s sometimes not true, even when you believe it is.

One way to evaluate your capacity to work is to set yourself a series of simple tasks, like reading or composing a letter, and see how you do. If you find these tasks difficult, keep in mind that some discouraged people become impaired by depression, often in subtle ways, and are actually less able to work than they appear, or believe themselves, to be.

If this is true for you, you will need to adjust your expectations accordingly; settle for a less demanding job (or the dole), or decide whether it’s worth getting treatment so your job options can improve.

If there’s nothing wrong with your ability to work, ask yourself how much you need to work. Don’t get distracted by whether the available work is interesting or meaningful, just consider your long-term needs, including worst-case scenarios, and the ability of your current resources, including welfare, to meet those needs.

Keep it simple and unemotional. Ditch the therapist and use a financial advisor, because financial necessity is often a stronger and less complicated motivator than ambition, mojo, or drive.

If you can’t work, or can afford not to work, you can become a man or lady of leisure (and modest means), even if that means never being a property owner, just the proud renter of a studio apartment and a sturdy futon.

If you can work and your basic needs demand more resources, it’s time to start looking for work. It probably won’t be the job of your dreams, but you’re old enough to know that it’s worth taking a shit job to avoid living a post-grad nightmare.

STATEMENT:
“I feel disappointed and burnt out at 52 after investing heavily in a career that false-started; but I’m experienced enough to know that hard work often fails to guarantee success because the world is unfair. I’m proud of what I’ve done. Now my job is to figure out whether I’m fully functional and do what I need to do to survive, regardless of how dirty the job.”

I love my work, but I haven’t been able to find a partner, and I wonder sometimes if I’m missing out on something important. I’m a top performer in my industry and jump at new challenges, even if they require me to move around the globe. I always find time to enjoy myself and I have wonderful friends, including a few who are in similar fields, or just share my vagabond ways. While I do wonder what it would be like to find someone and start a family, I just can’t imagine getting off the fast track and rooting in suburbia because my partner couldn’t give up her job, or because my kids didn’t want to change schools. My goal is to be less selfish, or find a way to have a family without changing my life.

Being as engaged as you are by work that requires high performance, special talent, and a love of globe-trotting is both a great gift and a burden. Obviously, it’s hard to imagine settling down with someone when you can’t settle on a continent.

Meanwhile, it’s clear that you don’t consider yourself lonely and that you don’t really see yourself as selfish. Your life doesn’t contradict your values, it just doesn’t allow you to fit yourself into conventional expectations.

The expectation of being partnered is a dangerous one, in any case. After all, you know how hard it is to find a good partner under the best of circumstances. Anyone who expects to find one as part of their definition of a successful life is more likely to make a dangerous compromise and/or feel like a failure if a good partner doesn’t show up, and that’s true regardless of the time zone you happen to be in that day.

Instead, take on the hefty task of asking yourself whether you’re doing your best to support yourself, offer a good day’s work, and be good to your friends and family. Other people (or your internal voices) may say that you’re missing out because you don’t have a special someone, but it’s white noise.

Add partnerhip to the list of the many things that might make your life happier but that you don’t control and so shouldn’t think about. Value what you’ve done with what you’ve got, and where you’re going next.

Your life style isn’t normal; but, as in the case above, you’re old enough to know that normal is relative and that the hopes and dreams that aren’t bullshit don’t come without a price. If you’re doing what you love and doing right by yourself, then don’t settle for anything less.

STATEMENT:
“I’m unusually good at what I do and get unusual pleasure from it, but my life makes other things unusually difficult. I like what I’ve done with my life, even if it wasn’t what I or my family expected. I would like a partnership, and I’m open to one, but I’m determined to live my life fully in the present, which is what I’m doing, and not hold my breath waiting for something that might or might not come along.