The Panic and The Pauper

Posted by fxckfeelings on November 1, 2010

Technically speaking, any citizen of the first world has the opportunity to be rich and powerful…except for the fact of life’s shitty, unavoidable obstacles, like being sick, poor, or just plain unlucky. If you can’t reach the dream of power and a powerboat, especially after working hard and overcoming an obstacle or two, feelings of loserdom begin to sink in. Neither owning a mansion nor overcoming poverty, however, make you a worthy individual (though they may make you feel like one). You can never be a loser if you make the best of your hard luck and build values that will protect your self-respect from the helpless humiliation of being poor and yachtless.
–Dr. Lastname

It took me forever to get my engineering degree because I had to work and go to night school, but I stuck with it because I believed it would get me a good, secure job. What’s killing me is that, now that I’m qualified, I can’t find one, because I don’t have a driver’s license, because the idea of driving gives me panic attacks. Meanwhile, my classmates have gotten all the good jobs and are moving ahead. I’m feeling angry, bitter, and depressed, and I know it’s my own fault. My goal is to get over my fears so all my work doesn’t go to waste.

You’re right to be frightened of panic attacks, because, in addition to making you feel terrible, they can come on just when you need to be at your best, look confident, and show you’re reliable. They’re the acne of mental health.

Like bad zits, they tend to come back whenever they want, for no reason you’ll ever understand, and picking at it just makes it worse.

So, when a panic attack hits with its perfect timing, you have to miss that something important or, if you show up, you have to hide in the corner. Of course, the fear of panic attacks makes you more vulnerable to them—Panicophobia!—so it’s no wonder that you’ve been afraid to drive.

If you’d hoped to outgrow the panic attacks or figure out a way to make them go away, forget it; panic attacks cannot be Oxycuted. Instead, it’s time to enroll in Panic Management 101…if you’re willing to meet the course requirements.

For starters, you’re not allowed to ask why you have panic attacks or, indeed, any “why “ questions whatsoever. Such questions are just a sneaky way of delaying the inevitable, which is nerving yourself up to do what you need to do, whether or not it triggers attacks/plain old bad feelings.

Most importantly, the prime requirement of the course is courage. While “why” isn’t allowed, “how” is the sole focus of the course, as in “how can I keep the fear of panic from becoming overwhelming?”

Read up on the many treatments for panic and decide where you want to begin; you’ll get good advice and encouragement if you let others know you have the problem. Try the talk and behavior therapies first, because they have fewer side effects, but don’t be surprised if you also need to check out medication.

Above all, don’t get demoralized because panic attacks have slowed you down. It’s not a race, and the winner isn’t the guy who gets their first, but the guy who keeps moving forward despite the biggest handicap.

Having cystic acne might end one’s career as a model, but your panic attacks don’t need to end anything (except your pity party). You worked a long time to get this far, so it’s not worth throwing in the towel before you try to get behind the wheel.

STATEMENT:
“It’s frustrating to come so far and still find myself paralyzed, but panic attacks have overwhelmed bigger and stronger people than me. I’ll do what I can to manage them and, with luck, I’ll learn how to drive. Whatever happens, fear won’t stop me from doing my best to achieve this goal, and that’s what defines a winner.”

I’m tired of not being able to retire and having to work long hours providing nursing care for people who don’t really respect what I do and, in the end, still being poor. My wife never earned much—she really never worked that hard—and she was often verbally abusive, though she’s been nicer since she got sick. I love her and take good care of her, but it’s never been easy and I never get a break. There are so many good things I would do if I had the time and money. I love painting and have a good portfolio, but not good enough to earn a living from, and I haven’t done it in 5 years. I love gardening but I have no time. I wish I didn’t feel like such a loser.

If it weren’t humiliating to be poor, we wouldn’t try so hard to look rich, and we’d stop buying half the things we do, and the economy would collapse. Never fear, we’ll never stop declaring war on poverty, particularly our own. It’s just the way we’re wired.

What’s wrong with hating your own poverty, however, is that it stops you from giving credit and respect to the best things you do and exposes you to undeserved disrespect for things you don’t control.

Most poor people aren’t lazy, stupid, or undeserving. Their talents are good for non-enrichment, or they have a weakness that gets in the way of getting rich, or they simply lack the luck. The most common reason for being poor is that they do so much giving, to their kids and the people they care about, that they can’t accumulate wealth.

Whatever the reason for your current economic shortfall, on some level you don’t care why you’re not rich. Being rich means having better self-esteem, which is another reason that self-esteem isn’t all that important.

You’ve got many reasons to respect yourself. You loved your wife, regardless of whether she was rich or a big earner or even terribly nice, and stuck by her through sickness and health. You do work that helps people and you persist in spite of fatigue, humiliation and the frustration of not being able to pursue your real interests.

You should be proud, even if you’re living in poverty. Money does not make the man, and while you can’t buy respect, you should give yourself plenty, because you’ve earned it.

STATEMENT:
“I may never get respect, but I’ve done what I believe is important, I’ve lived up to my values, and I’ve made the most of the hard luck I’ve had. That’s real wealth. I will not bow down to the good feelings that more money would bring (though it would be no crime to win the lottery); and I speak respectfully to myself, because that’s what I deserve, regardless of how I feel.”