Assume And Doom

Posted by fxckfeelings on October 18, 2010

To paraphrase Homer Simpson’s thoughts on alcohol; for the depression-prone especially, fear is the cause of, and result of, all of life’s problems. When you’re afraid, it seems like you’re losing control, and nothing will work unless you get it back, which will just dig you deeper. Life can and will always take away your control, so your job is to forget control and preserve your values using whatever you have, regardless of result. You may not be able to cure yourself of depression, alcoholism, or anything else that ails you, but you shouldn’t hide and give up. Remember, to further paraphrase Homer Simpson, the answers to life’s problems aren’t found through control, they’re found on the internet.
–Dr. Lastname

I’ve been so depressed I can barely get out of bed, so at this point, I’m willing to try medication. The problem is, none of the pills I try seem to work for me, and some of them make me feel worse. One antidepressant made me dizzy, and another one my doctor recommended is said to cause weight gain, and another sometimes causes a severe rash. I’m desperate, but there’s got to be a way to feel better without a fucking rash. I need something that will work without doing me serious harm.

If you’re looking for an antidepressant that’s sure to help and has never caused harm, stop your search now. Like cold fusion, unicorns, and a good Joel Schumacher movie, such a pill doesn’t exist.

Refusing a medication because it makes you gain weight is like skipping chemotherapy because of possible hair loss. Expecting too much from antidepressants, or any medication, can paralyze you and prevent you from getting the actual help they might be able to provide.

Meanwhile, depression is endangering your job, relationships, and even your life, while at the same time damaging your brain; there’s evidence now that, the longer depression goes on, the greater the chance it can make permanent structural changes.

So forgive me if we fight fear with fear, but you’ve got more to fear from depression than from any antidepressant, regardless of its possible ineffectiveness and/or side effects.

That’s why it’s worth trying one antidepressant after another, even though each trial can last a month and has a 30% chance of doing squat. When they say antidepressants are effective, they mean “better than nothing,” not “always” or “completely,” and certainly not “permanently.”

The good news is that side effects are rarely serious and that, when one antidepressant doesn’t work, there’s still a good chance the next one will, because they’re not identical. It’s just a long process towards finding the right one.

You have good reason to be frightened, but don’t seek comfort in false reassurance from the biggest doctor in town (unless you’re determined to believe whatever he/she says and stay off the internet). Stand up to your fear, figure the odds, and make your play.

Life isn’t just unfair, but hard, and only a fool (or someone without broadband access) can ever believe that things will turn out perfectly. There’s no cure (or unicorns), but there are treatments that can help and you will gain courage and comfort from knowing that you’ve made the most of them.

STATEMENT:
“Depression is frightening and its symptoms include fear. It will try to paralyze me with helplessness. I will do what I have always done: figure out my chances based on the best information I can get, make a choice, and take pride in the fact that I’m managing pain, fear, and uncertainty with every tool I have.”

I recently discovered a great deal of support, and sobriety, from AA, and the people I’ve met are remarkably nice and compassionate, but I’m worried about over-depending on meetings for my social life, and yet I’m not sure I have any alternative. Like a lot of recovering drunks, I don’t know how to go out and have fun, or really meet someone, if I’m not high. Then I talked to some people after last night’s meeting and this woman was complaining about how her boyfriend just left her, and how “damaged addicts like us are fucked” when it comes to relationships, and I began to feel depressed about identifying with a group of damaged, lonely people. My goal is to find someone, and I wonder if AA will require me to face the fact that it’s impossible.

Remember that sobriety comes with lots of negative thinking; when you’re sober, you’re more aware of what you don’t like about yourself and what you did when drunk (especially without the cushion of being sauced).

You may also be depressed, particularly if your sobriety is recent, and depression sparks its own negative thoughts about what you should have and could have done and the bleak future ahead of you.

That’s why AA gives you lots of positive truths to tell yourself. It may sound silly and like (Senator) Stuart Smalley, but these positive aphorisms are necessary tools for fighting negative thoughts that will otherwise have you believing all the equally silly shit about yourself and your future that depression is telling you.

For instance, you and your friends see no social future for damaged, recovering alcoholics. Sure, identifying yourself as a recovering alcoholic is an acknowledgement of damage and might seem like a turn-off, and if “recovering” weren’t part of your description, you might be right.

Yes, on a superficial level, we’re all attracted by strength, youth, and beauty, which is why no one whose wedding is reported in the Style section of the Times is ugly, poor, or in rehab.

Think, however, about what you really respect. It’s the ability to deal with pain and loss and remain true to your values, which is what you and the other folk in your AA meeting are helping one another do.

There’s no crime in being lonely or damaged, but there is in pretending you aren’t or trying to escape the pain. Your AA friends may feel like unlovable losers, but with every day of sobriety they come closer to being people you respect and would like to spend time with. You’re good enough, you’re strong enough, and if you’re sober enough, people will like you (except for the ones you don’t want to have anything to do with).

STATEMENT:
“Sobriety has certainly not brought me a feeling of attractiveness or social confidence. I believe, however, in the value of what I’m doing and that true friends will be the ones who accept my weaknesses and appreciate what I’m trying to accomplish; others need not apply.”