Dream On

Posted by fxckfeelings on June 10, 2010

Being a big dreamer is a mixed bag; sure, some people aim high and soar high, but many of us are too distracted to ever take off, or attempt to take off just to crash-land. The sad fact is, not all of us are meant to take flight, but there’s no shame in making the best of what you’ve got here on the ground.
–Dr. Lastname

On the plus side, I’m a pretty ambitious person; I have lots of dreams for different careers, adventures, academic pursuits, you name it. The problem is that I have problem with following through. Sure, it’s not easy to chase your dreams when you have a young kid (whom you’re raising alone), but I was like this before I had a baby, and now that I do have a child, I feel more compelled than ever to do something with my life and be a good example. I want to follow through with getting my masters in anything and making a good living, showing my kid that you can do anything you want. My goal is to finally follow through.

No matter how much you wish you could follow through more, you gotta ask yourself whether you’re a follow-through kind of person or not.

Some people just aren’t, so a congratulations/you’re screwed might be in order.

Maybe you believe the popular myth that everyone can be a follow-through person by just concentrating harder on following through, making an inspiration board and buying a dream-catcher something. Don’t. Not very inspiring, but the truth’s the truth.

Some brains aren’t made for following through, and, while it’s probably not impossible for you to do it, it’s just very hard. Ultimately, it won’t happen unless you find something you think is worth the sacrifice.

Meanwhile, if you push yourself to follow through because you wish you were a follow-through person, it won’t happen, and you’ll just wind up disrespecting yourself and ruining more bulletin boards with newspaper clippings and crap.

On the other hand, if you have a good reason to follow through, and you’re not just trying to prove yourself, you may very well find ways to screen out distractions, take extra time, ask friends for help, get coaching, whatever it takes to get the job done. You’ll do it better if you accept the fact that you’re not a natural at following-through and that you need extra help and time to do it.

Sure, you might not get everything done, but a non-follow-through person is more responsive to the here and now and to life as it comes along.

Ask yourself which kind of person you’d like to sit next to at a dinner party. Congratulations then; your equipment isn’t broken, it’s just not good for everything.

STATEMENT:
Time for a Stuart Smalley Speech of Self-Acceptance. “Sometimes I wish I could follow through much more than I have, but I’m a responsible, independent person and caring parent and I’ve found a way to be a good person using the style that I have. My job isn’t to show my child how to follow through, but how to follow through as much as necessary and as much as possible and that’s what I do. So I’ll dye my hair blond and take pride in being a ditsy person who meets her obligations.”

I hate my job, but I can’t leave it, because a, it’s a civil servant position, so the benefits are great, and b, I have literally failed at everything else I’ve tried. I’ve sold insurance, tried to open a pizza place, attempted to sell real estate…all that and more went bust. So now I’m a drone working a job that I literally can’t get fired from, and I’ve never been more miserable. My goal is to figure out why I can’t do well at something I actually like.

Many people say you should be able to make a living at something you like. You should, in a fair world. A world that is not the one we live in.

On the other hand, I didn’t hear you say that you failed to try hard, or that you stopped caring about making a living as an independent person, so I have to assume you’ve got good values and that, whatever went wrong, it’s not necessarily your fault.

I don’t know what part of each of these jobs went well for you, but my guess is that you were good at some part of each of these jobs, and that, if we knew what you liked and disliked about each of them, we’d see a pattern that would tell us how your mind works (and it does work, but again, maybe not the way you want it to).

We might find out that you’re a good entrepreneur with bad luck. Entrepreneurs like to take risks, but hard work doesn’t guarantee good luck. There are lots of good entrepreneurs who don’t strike it rich, it’s just that magazines and business schools tell us about the ones who do.

Maybe you were trying so hard to prove yourself that you never stopped to take stock of your strengths and weaknesses. People who are frustrated with their failures often become obsessed with trying harder, rather than trying smarter.

If you’re sure your failures were your fault, then you’ve been too ashamed to consider your weaknesses objectively, figure out if they’re important, and work on ways of living with them.

If you sat down with a good job counselor, you might be able to figure out what to avoid in a job and possibly find something you like more than what you’re doing. If that’s not possible, at least respect yourself for earning a living the hard way. Easy is not in your cards. You’re working to make a living and it isn’t fun.

If you were actually living in a fair world, in a science fiction universe, and you couldn’t find a fun job, I’d have to agree that it’s your fault. Not to worry, because you’re living here on earth. No one can blame you, except you. So don’t.

STATEMENT:
Time for another round of positive perspective. “I’m not well suited for any job I’ve found, but that hasn’t stopped me from doing what’s necessary to make a living. I hate the only job I’ve been able to hold, but that hasn’t stopped me from holding it because I had to, which is much tougher than holding a job you like.”